Counting down my last 24 hours before I totally switch off from the mainstream civilization and retire to a full countryside, where my closest access to internet and mobile phone is through random connection pockets on side of the hill, you get the idea.
Spent some time loitering around the internet reading up bits that caught my attention, enough. Had just found out the trend of the latest share market and all its bust and boom news, not that it is really something new, or "different", though many articles on various websites had in their various ways debating over how abnormal is abnormal this time, or vice versa. Seriously, it's either up, or down, right? Pardon me for my apparent lack of interest, as I had not earned more than a thousands from the sharemarket, I guess my opinion does not really serve as a credible one. LOL.
Nobody is sure where the market is heading, all we could manage is out ideas, (trying to remember which guru on which website said this line, pardon my lousy short term memory.) What I could be sure is, the one thing that had always been within our "manageable field of control" would be what we choose to listen in our head. Yeah, like I could happily listen to all the "right" ones, who is deciding the rights again? Interesting task to find out and discover, don't you think so? How come we never question that voice of sanity, that is really the voice of sanity, the REAL voice of sanity. Excuse me, I do not mean to sound like a lunatic. Still, I hope you get my point.
With all due respect to the major stream line of civilization, we are all well instructed to do what we do. Parents told us. Teachers, Gurus, Experts, Pastors, Religions, and the list goes on, all the right up to the Mrs Jones next door, and the next lover would be. Chances are, acting according to the so-called norm, or out of norm had been the two choices available all time since .... well, before time. It's either you are acting and making decisions normally, or abnormally, and that shakes the boat a little, making it inconvenient and rocky for everyone else that happens to share your boat, or you, their boat. "We are in this together", so said. "Yeah.". Sorry. Wrong Number.
Have you ever tried removing the layers. Mum said, Dad said, who said, who said, who said, I said..... As the list goes on, as the layers go off, and all the justification layers that comes with them, all the justifications that is given to this who-said-what, and that it is logical, and makes sense therefore let's do the right thing. The outcomes come out, surely this must be right and just, and that one could be happy. Well, if one is still not happy and content, must be the next thing on the list that had yet be done right according to who who and what what, of which that person had now happily done it right, and is successful and happy. I don't know about you, but that rat race had honestly winded me down and tired me out. Right, color me grey and call me a loser. Yeah!!!
From POint A, our current spot of whatsoever position in life, to Point B, our imagined spot in front that is going to make us better bigger whatsoever, we are never there. Period. When we are there, guess what happened? We got bored, and unsatisfied, and "you mean this is it"? Surely I should have felt everlasting happiness and peace. No? Ok, time to MOVE ON to a bigger goal a better one. No doubt life is a journey, but living in denial of what is being had at the moment, by denying what is here, hence would lead to a better outcome tomorrow. Sorry. Can someone help me figure this out? Opps, I am not supposed to "take" anymore answers, but see the journey through and get some answers myself, which in the end I would find that, the answers are what "I" had given to it. Interesting game, the stories are all so well charged with emotions that we had given to it as well, until, it takes time for me to tell between reality shows and reality. Period/
I wonder would this be the last volunteering at tree house, as I had made a decision to start job hunting after that. I still have funds to run for another at least 3 months, more than that actually, but my sense of security is running thin. Guess I am not as brave as I thought myself to be, or is this basic survival instincts I don't know. But I know one thing for sure, I will not go back to a place where I felt like I even have to explain why am I breathing the way I am breathing. May the job that I found be the right next step for further in depth self discovery. Amen.
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